• Benjamin Gear

I Think it's about Friendships

Soooo, I didn’t go telling a bunch of people that I couldn’t write or that I was feeling this or doubting that. I didn’t want to appear vulnerable or weak (which was exactly where/what I was) so I didn’t ask for help. “Pride cometh before the fall,” thank goodness for the people I surround myself with! I wasn’t looking to out myself or situation but once prompted, I’m sure I delivered a blathering catharsis of my current condition ad nauseam lol.

I got a call from my friend Elizabeth right before I gave up even trying writing for another week. She has a knack for knowing when she’s needed without actually communicating with anyone. She was returning a call about something we’d discussed a week or so prior but it didn’t take long to get in to work stuff. She runs a (much bigger) website and we talked about the difficulties of maintaining content production. The result of that 51min conversation is a forthcoming podcast.

The next afternoon I went by my friend Jen’s shop to hang out. After discussing plans for the (UNC) game that evening, we too delve into work stuff. She ends up giving me the book that she’d just finished about functioning from a flow state. I just got to open it yesterday. Ecstasis, “stepping beyond oneself” or as described by Plato “an altered state where our normal waking consciousness vanishes completely, replaced by an intense euphoria and a powerful connection to a greater intelligence.” And how different people and factions, reach and utilize this. Anyhoo, I’m in a block and she gives me a book about finding flow...yet another encouraging hand up.

I leave Jen’s and go to work and my coworker Joshua asks about the weeks missing blogs. I give him the Cliff’s Notes version of my block and a few minutes later he sends me a text (from within the same building). It’s a link and when I open it, he’s rebuilding my entire website from the ground up! We’d discussed it before but he said he just didn’t have the time and I understood, I damn sure didn’t have the money to warrant being a priority. Of his own volition, in his own down time, he is making my website something that is much more personalized...that’s MINE! He said, “I wanted to show you sooner but after hearing where you were I felt like you needed to see this.” Unbeknownst to him, he was one of the only 3 people that actually kept me from quitting it all.

What About Your Friends and The Universe Always Provides both embody the point here. The universe will meet you where and when you need it most. If provisions are made to ease and accommodate intervention, it minimizes the difficulties when resilience is exercised. The provisions are what you’re doing when you’re not in the funk. The habits you're creating by the places you go, the things you do, the people you fuck with! All of these things are tools the universe uses to intercede on our behalf and get us back on the right course. Not a single one of my friends sought to coddle and validate my misery. They did however relate to and/or provide solution suggestions. Over 3 days three people helped me in three different ways to grow.

My takeaway: I need to use more of the vast network of amazing people that are chasing growth before I’m at a stopping or quitting point.

My giveaway: The fortitude and grit to work through hardship in your growth process won’t always feel like it’s accessible. You/me/we need people to help us stay the course of growth and progress rather than lovingly lead us back to the ever-welcoming arms of complacency (remember, it kills).

Growth gang, progress pals, team dream-chasers, call yourselves anything but get with people who build you through honesty rather than placate you through validation. Fact: the opposite of grow is shrink (you can totally fact check me on that one). So if we’re not growing, we’re shrinking, diminishing, coming closer to nothingness and we are all better than be better than that.

Thanks for reading.


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