• Benjamin Gear

Love of My Life

Sooooo, WHAT IS UP?! It has been a very long couple of months since I’ve gotten to chat you guys up! It feels pretty darn good to be back at it again! Truthfully, I’d gotten pretty (emotionally, psychologically, and physically) drained, so a recharge was super necessary. During my little semi-sabbatical I lazed around, created this new site, went to some shows, and did a lot of reflection. All of these things helped me reassociate with The Love of My Life.

During my little break I got to look at my life from outside of the blogger box, where I’ve spent the bulk of the last year. It was good to actualize and internalize appreciation for where I am compared to where I started and the things in my life going well that aren’t needing daily attention. When I’m in active work/growth mode, my focus is on the fulfillment of tasks required to build the bigger picture. All too often the things going well get neglected. I’m fairly proficient at acknowledging my day-to-day victories in so much as to not get overwhelmed with unmet expectations. I make a point not to bask in the victories within the work process because that fosters complacency, for me at least. I found that taking a specific time to reflect and be proud to be rejuvenative.

So I’m guessing y’all thought ‘The Love of My Life’ was gonna be about something romantic. Welp, sorry to disappoint, but no new developments in that arena just yet. Still haven’t met the girl that wants me AND to rise above their station. In order for me to have love of my life I look for three basic things:

1) Have a goal! If I’m not working towards something bigger than myself then I’m living just to make it through each day. This isn’t to take away from going to work and paying my bills. These are all good things but they are foundational obligations required to live in today's world. Having a goal provides the ‘deeper yes’ needed to make choices. My choices are my actions and what I do (not my actual employment but how I am and act) that is where I find my pride.

2) Acceptance. This is not to be confused with dismissal. I have a standard of production that I meet, fall short of, and exceed on any given the day. Acceptance is the awareness of what wasn’t done coupled with an appreciation of whatever has been done resolved with a commitment to try and meet the standard again tomorrow. From there I go and find some smiles, have some fun within and in spite of it all. And lastly...

3) Awareness. This is a BIG ask because it’s not always the easiest to tap into while in a work process. Sometimes everything in my goal quest is going wrong. This will happen. Here is where ANY type of mindfulness practice is valuable. Here is where I get to appreciate having a job, actual friends, paying my bills, and having access to my kids and being present for them. All the roses I haven’t stopped to smell in awhile get a really good and deep sniff. This is essential to maintaining motivation in difficult times and reenergizing to get back to it.

If the first thing is present in my life and I practice the other two; I have a definitive source for pride and joy. A source that is set and honored by me and completely unimpacted by outside validation or disapproval. Work (goal), leisure (acceptance), and reflection (awareness), in that order, is my formula to foster balance and facilitate continual growth. I spoke at the top of the year about the necessity of balance and those three components are what facilitate mine.

Where PI is today, is not where it could’ve been in a years time had I done X differently or spent more time on Y. Realizing I am my efforts and not my failures is how The Love of My Life allows me not to beat myself up about it. Fact: Perfectly Imperfect is further along than it was. I’ve grown personally, I’ve been privileged to actually have helped people, and I can see new goals to work towards. More growth.

Y’all already know growth is what we do around here and it is highly improbable that I can continue to grow while harboring discontentment with life and where I’ve fallen short. Doing so leaves various levels of depression looming overhead, urging me to turn my primary focus to distractions wedging greater distance between myself, true happiness, and growth potential. Misinterpreting and overvaluing failures is just as detrimental as not giving attention successes. The only way to avoid failure is to not try or aim low and that is not the way I want to live. I am succeeding in areas of life and those things get neglected when I’m focused on a next step project. Taking a little bit of time, albeit bi-weekly, monthly, or in my case, after 10 months of complete emotional and brain drain to rediscover and appreciate what’s going as desired allows me not lose sight of the love of my life.

I’ve missed you guys oodles and oodles and I can’t wait to hear about all the ways you’re stepping into your respective purposes OR if you’ve been holding yourself back for fear of failure. As per usual, I urge you to find your purpose and chase it with the expectations of some failures. THEY WILL HAPPEN. If they don’t, you aren’t aiming high enough! But amidst giving your all in becoming and being the best version of yourself, take some time to chillax and step away from your purpose pursuit. I promise, you won’t have to look too hard to see all the life you have to love.

Love you all!

Thanks for reading.


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