So Tuesday’s blog was essentially about my denying myself social interaction. There were several factors I attributed to causation but the root of them all was fear. Fear that I couldn’t handle it responsibly. Real brief, we’re gonna talk about fear and the Hall Monitor. If we’re attempting any lifestyle changes we all have the internal hall monitor that basically serves as our checks and balances. It’s who/what we answer to with regards to where we are and why we’re doing what we’re doing. lt keeps us staying the desired course, whatever that course may be. The Hall Monitor isn’t a bad thing, it’s there to help. It’s discipline. My Hall Monitor was what pinged me when I wanted to date that girl who was super cool and hella cute but bad for my growth. It was what said ‘you should be writing’ when I wanted to go out...etc. My Hall Monitor was uber strict because I wanted change that badly. I felt tremendous guilt/shame about the life I’d chosen and built and I was terrified of reverting to familiarity. I needed my Hall Monitor to dictate my thoughts and behaviors and when it had done so, I relied on it keep me on the straight and narrow. I became dependent. When I came to the realization that the social aspect that I’d excommunicated was proving necessary, I still was excessively assessing how to incorporate it into my life. Hanging out with a homie last night (see, look at me socializing), he pointed out that it was time to fire the Hall Monitor. I suggested a demotion, maybe a reduction in hours but he was insistent that it was time. It was.
The Hall Monitor is nothing more than an intuition drill instructor whipping our once skewed gut motives into shape. Because these are all new thoughts, feelings, and behaviors trusting them can be scary. They can be scary, but they needn’t be feared. The fact that the time and work had been done and the change has happened, it’s time to start leaning on it, not the Hall Monitor. Not forgetting that we are Perfectly Imperfect, understand, accept, and embrace the fact that missteps will occur: #nottheendoftheworld. Because our motives are realigned and because we have new tools and behaviors we can step out and start trusting our gut knowing those missteps will be minor. Successes and failures will be the gauge by which we find balance. I strongly urge growth efforts (as per usual) but I also suggest using your Hall Monitor to assist in facilitating the change. As soon as you feel good about branching out, do so. Give yourself that liberation but do so with fingers ever placed on the pulse of your intuition. Your gut ALWAYS has your best interest at heart so trust it and let that Hall Monitor go.